A survival guide for your first day at the london design studio

Follow these steps to have a great first day at the posh London Design Studio:

1. Dress to Distract:

Forget about dressing professionally. Show up in a neon pink speedo and a matching feather boa. You'll definitely stand out, and people will be too distracted by your outfit to notice your lack of design skills.

2. Bring a Useless Gift:

Don't bother with donuts or a fruit basket. Bring a bag of used coffee grounds and a rusty stapler. Tell everyone it's a metaphor for the studio's outdated design practices.

3. Start a Scandal:

Whisper to a coworker that you're secretly the CEO's illegitimate child. Then, dramatically say, "Just kidding! I'm actually the new intern." This will definitely get people talking about you, even if it's for all the wrong reasons.

4. Become a Character Expert:

Learn everything there is to know about the studio's most popular character. Then, randomly approach people and start reciting obscure trivia about them. Be sure to include graphic details about their fictional love life and embarrassing moments.

5. Host a Game Show:

Set up a makeshift game show in the break room, complete with a buzzer and a podium. Ask contestants (your new coworkers) questions about the studio's history, characters, and projects. Offer ridiculous prizes like a year's supply of expired ramen noodles or a framed photo of the CEO's most unflattering angle.

6. Create a Secret Handshake:

Come up with a complex, 10-step handshake that involves a series of slaps, punches, and headbutts. Teach it to your new coworkers and insist that they use it whenever they greet you.

7. Start a Flash Mob:

At the end of the day, gather everyone in the studio and start a spontaneous flash mob to the studio's theme song. Choreograph it beforehand and make sure to include some truly bizarre dance moves, like the "I'm a Little Teapot" dance or the "Chicken Dance."

8. Be the Office Clown:

Dress up as a clown and roam the halls, spreading confusion and fear wherever you go. Offer to make balloon animals for your new coworkers and tell them it's a metaphor for the studio's inflated ego.

Remember, making friends is all about being memorable and having a great sense of humor. Good luck on your first day at the design studio!